Rant.......

here I go trying to reinvent myself and when That dose not pan out I get frustrated almost like creative overload oh boy what to do what to do 1950's house wife? I wish but I think not coffee, clean, be a better house wife/stay at home mom ect I don't know how to do that eesh its frustrating trying to get out of my head every time I start to go down that path that makes me want to try and "change" I give up and think oh no never mind things will change (Personally for me) when our family moves and then I also think I will try and figure my shit out later oh so frustrated its like I fuckng Blow I talk myself down to a point so low I don't even want to get out of bead ( or off the couch) maybe its the Parkinson's IDK I am just having one of those weird head space moments I guess I feel like I just turn on a Jazz radio station and just Zone out the world again IDK maybe I already Zone out the world with Netflix its just been one of those funky days for me eesh  I guess maybe it might have something to do with the fact that the person who considers herself "my best Friend" is not a good person for me she walks all over me expects me to drop everything for her and then dose not return that I don't even think she realizes that I don't consider her any kind of "friend" and I use that term very loosly I guess I feel like the only reson she is even in my life from my point of view is so I don't go completely bonkers insain but she is beside the point I am just in a funky head space right now