Surgery (A journey like no other)

First off I have to say this MINOR SURGERY MY ASS!
Ok so now that I have gotten that out of the way yesterday I had my tubal legation surgery and I found myself oddly a little sad almost like I was mourning my abilities to create life and bring it into this world I also fell very weird today unexpectedly emotional (not about my decision to never have  kids again) but it hit me like a ton of bricks (that might be the pain talking ) it was like WOW I really did this its one of those easier said than done scenarios so I am at peace with all of this So here is a snippet of what  I went through yesterday I say snippet because this is what I remember lol (hum not sure if this is a laughing matter) but I feel oddly Giggly today probably from my pain medication  (Tylenol #3 -Tylenol with codeine) I went in a little before 10:30 am and did not get out of the surgery center untitled close to 4pm I really don't remember the surgery at all just that I was wheeled into the OR away from my husband when I was under anesthesia I VIVIDLY remember having a nightmare if you will that I was still married to my abusive Ex Husband and that my darling Husband AKA my forever man  was just a figment of my imagination now because of this when I was coming off the anesthesia waking up I asked for my husband then had a severe Panic attack causing my heart rate to shoot up past 200bpm it staid their past 200bpm for about an hour it was still in the 200s when they sent me home I also felt  and still feel  EXTREMELY  cold now upon arriving home while I was catching my bearings and as the pain medication started to wear off just a bit I discovered that I felt and still feel like someone pined me down (my head neck and shoulders  did and still do hurt immensely) and with all of their weight stomped on my abdominal cavity I have two very painful incisions and I know this is TMI but also one very acing pelvis or pelvic floor because one of the things my doctor did was he inserted a very long speculum type rod in between my legs up past my cervix to move things over so he could Cut, tie, then burn me now one of my new found problems is that I feel extreme burning and itching deep inside of my body and this is driving me a bit crazy 1 because I can't seem to find a way to relieve these issues and 2 because I think that Tylenol #3 immensely increases the itching sensation but again I must say this MINOR SURGERY MY ASS! Now to top this journey all off I am officially unable to take a bath, drive my car, and lift anything heavier than 10lbs the lifting restriction is at my own disscression because my Darling Son needs care and just because I had this done life still has to go on I.E my husband has to go to work tonight in all after the " Byers remorse" if  you will I am feeling very pleased with this  decision  although I keep having this mental argument with myself part of me is like yay its done best decision ever the other pat of me is still wondering why I elected to go through this pain then another part of me keeps having to be reminded of my decisions (that last part is probably do to the anesthesia its still wearing off and it could literally take up too a week to fully be out of my system) now this is wear I need to stop so I can lay down to rest 😌